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Why it’s so hard to ask for what you need

Updated: Aug 3, 2021

Why is it so darn hard to ask for what you need?

Time off work to go to an appointment.

Time with your girlfriends for coffee or a walk.

For your partner or parents to watch the kids while you run errands or get your hair done.

For your family member or roommate to pick up after themselves or to help with chores.

You know what you need to say, but putting those words out there feels like such a struggle.


Well, for starters, when you NEED something like time for an appointment, yes even a counselling appointment, time for you, time for errands or self-care, or just to do NOTHING…….

You are NOT “asking”.

You are telling.

You are telling your boss, partner, parents, kids what you need.

If you “ask”, you leave it open for the other person to say, “no”.

When you tell someone what you NEED, you are telling them this is necessary and essential.

And, even though you absolutely need the support, it can be soooo hard to get the words out.

But why?

First off ~ do you have the skills to tell others what you need? See what I just did there? I said, “tell” not “ask”.

Do you know what to say? Have you practiced speaking your mind and telling others your needs?

It takes practice for your words to come outright. When you’re upset, uncomfortable, afraid of conflict or scared to “get in trouble” your mind will go blank. That is normal. That is the stress response. The fight-flight-freeze kicking in.

Second ~ well actually, this one should be #1. It’s a challenge to tell others what you need because of your beliefs.

Maybe you believe you don’t deserve time for yourself or even for an appointment. Perhaps you believe you must “earn” it, or you think it's selfish to leave the kids with your parents or partner and do something for yourself.

Maybe you think it’s your responsibility to do everything on your own. You don’t want to take away from others ~ your kids, your partner, your friends, or family. You might think you must book everything at a time when everyone else is sleeping and doesn’t need you like at 4 am.

Or, perhaps you believe your needs are not as important as others. Yup, even your need to see the doctor or a counsellor is not as important as your child’s weekly soccer practice or your partner’s need to watch hockey or round of golf.

Regardless of which belief is keeping you stuck, until you get to the root belief all of the strategies in the world won’t help you because you’ll feel too stuck to even use your strategies.

When you know what you need to do but you can’t quite get yourself to do it ~ that trapped feeling is gross. Ugh. It just feels so frustrating you wanna scream or cry or both.

I want to help you get unstuck.

I can help you get to the root belief that’s holding you back. You can release its hold over you and discover the answers and freedom for yourself.

Book an intensive spiritual life coaching session today to release your unconscious toxic beliefs.

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