You feel like everyone else has got life together, but you’re struggling. You can’t quite seem to get your poop in a pile. You feel like everything is just so darn complicated, stressful, or overly challenging. It seems like everyone else is moving forward in life, but you’re stuck. Others seem to be so happy, but you feel like your motivation is in the pooper.
When you are down on yourself and so darn frustrated with life and with yourself - your self-esteem can take a big hit. Especially when you feel like everyone else seems to be doing ok but you’re not.
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is your subjective perception of your abilities and your worth. It encompasses beliefs and feelings about yourself – about your looks, how you feel about specific attributes and abilities (“I’m a lousy mom”, “I’m a neglectful friend”, “I’m too much for others to handle”), and how accomplished or satisfied you feel in life.
Signs of low self-esteem
You may need to work on your self-esteem if you experience these common pitfalls.
You have negative self-talk and comparisons to others.
You avoid new things and taking opportunities.
You have difficulty expressing your needs and saying “no”.
You put other people's needs before your own.
You overly focus on your weaknesses and blame others for your mistakes.
You frequently experience feelings such as shame, guilt, depression, or anxiety.
You often feel unloved and unwanted.
You have a negative outlook on life.
You have an intense fear of failure, embarrassment, or humiliation.
You have trouble accepting compliments and positive feedback.
You struggle with confidence. How many of these sound like you?
3-Steps to Greater Self-Esteem The next time you’re down on yourself, beating up on you, or overly focusing on unhelpful, negative self-talk these 3-steps can make a big improvement in your self-esteem.
Ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in my exact situation?”. Make sure you write down each kind and loving statement. Writing it out is more effective than just thinking it. Writing activates more parts of the brain (visual, language and movement parts) compared to merely thinking (only the frontal lobe is activated). Example: “You’re going to be ok. Everyone makes mistakes. We all still love you. Just do your best.”
Read each statement out loud, inserting your name into each one. Yes, out loud so you can hear your voice. When you insert your own name the temporal lobe of the brain will get sparked. This makes it more likely that you will truly pay attention and absorb the message on a deeper more personal level. Example: “Hargeet, you’re going to be ok. Hargeet, everyone makes mistakes, Hargeet. And, you know Hargeet, we all still love you. Just do your best, Hargeet.”
If you want to make the messages really stick, read each statement out loud with your name, while looking yourself in the eyes, in the mirror. Mirror work is a very powerful way to build emotional resilience. Eye gazing even with yourself, activates the empathy centre of the brain. You will feel both an emotional release and empowered all at one. It’s a GREAT feeling.
Let me know how these strategies work for you.
If you’d like more support download your FREE Self-Compassion workbook here.
Or, you can call or email to book an appointment today for counselling or spiritual life coaching services.